Red River Rules

Rule #281: Shake the Dust Off

2011-06-06T12:46:00.002-05:00

So, after over 2 years of dormancy, I've decided to shake the dust off the ol' Red River Rules blog. I'm doing so for a couple of reasons:

Reason #1: I am sitting through a teacher's in-service today and tomorrow. Anyone who has ever been forced to suffer through one of these things knows full well the boredom and frustration that comes through the hours of monotonous "break-out" sessions that leaving you wanting to stab your eyeballs out with an ink pen. Instead of doing violence against myself (or paying attention, I suppose), I've chosen a more constructive route and resurrecting a blog that my wife started a few years back.

Reason #2: Laura and I are about to welcome our second child into the world. Emma Katherine (or Emma Cake, as our two-and-a-half year old likes to call her) is scheduled to make her appearance on Wednesday. I was hoping that Laura would go into labor early to get me out of in-service (see above), but apparently I am not so lucky. I liked the real-time reporting that came out of this blog and the mother-blog (ednahouse.blogspot.com) during the birth of Evie Jane (see October 20, 2008 entries on each respective blog).

Disclaimer: I am making no promises about continued posting on this blog, nor am I promising to maintain the real-time updates that I spoke of above.

Rule #192- Leave Your Vanity in the Parking Lot

2009-04-02T23:26:00.002-05:00

I am learning so many things as a new mom. One of the primary truths I have learned lately is that showering, applying make-up, doing my hair, and changing out of my pj's daily is a privilege, not a right . . . at least that is what I'd been telling myself until a recent trip to Kroger.

On this particular day Evie Jane had a rough morning, in which she followed none of her normal patterns. There had not been a nap of any kind and she was in a "I'm only happy if you hold me" mood. Unfortunately, we were down to less than bare bones in our pantry and frig, and a trip to the grocery could not be put off. I remember glancing in the mirror before we left and noting the lack of make-up and the need to at least redo the pony tail leftover from last night's sleep. But somehow those observations were lost in the morning activities and I arrived at the store in pretty much the same condition as when I woke up that morning. I did manage to change my pajamas for an outfit I thought I could pass off as "I've just been to the gym, otherwise I would look perfect" look.

After my shopping was complete, I exited the store with a massive amount of bags and a very tired (a.k.a. screaming) daughter. As I unloaded child and bags into the car I noticed a very attractive lady staring at me. She had actually stopped in the middle of driving lane to watch me. I glanced at her tentatively, thinking that maybe we had worked together when I taught at the community college last year. She took a step forward and said hello. I squinted for a better look and said hello back, now certain that I didn't know her. She began to pull a card from her purse and approached me more closely, "Here honey," she said with that overly drawn out sweetness that feels patronizing, "Let me give you my card." I looked down to see Mary Kay Consultant in cheerful pink letters. "Oh, thanks" I mumbled as my cheeks flamed. I could tell she was picturing huge before and after photos and accepting an award for most cosmetics sold to one person. "Have you ever tried our products?" she smiled politely and I could see her mentally adding "or any make-up from any store." I laughed self-consciously and stammered, "Yes, I know it doesn't look like it today, but I have used Mary Kay before." Again, she smiled as sweetly as she could. "Well, I just think all new mothers could use a little extra pampering, don't you?" I smiled back, thinking that it was nice of her to say "extra" as though she thought I took at least basic care of my appearance. I took the card and promised to give her a call before dashing to the humiliation-free interior of my car.

As I drove home I had to glance at myself in the mirror and laugh. If I had been that Mary Kay sales lady, I would have done the same thing.

Rule #406: Respect Man's Weekend

2009-03-06T13:22:00.000-06:00

Andrew and some of his buddies from college get together for “Man’s Weekend” every March. It is one of major highlights of Andrew’s year. While I’m always sad to be without him for the weekend, I’ve come to have my own routine during “Man’s Weekend” that I look forward to each year. So while Andrew is off measuring the length of his beard and talking sports this is what I’ll be up to . . .

Friday Evening: I have dinner with some girl friends I haven’t seen in a while. We eat some kind of Italian dish, maybe even one without meat, and sip something refreshing like sparkling apple cider or white wine. After dinner we watch a movie. This year it will probably be Australia or Nights in Rodanthe or any other chick flick that I’ve missed in favor of Andrew’s choice of Will Farrell’s latest release or something based on a comic.

Saturday Morning: I’m up early. I’ve been thinking about this day for months. I’ve planned my route of shopping very carefully. There is a mix of my favorite clothing stores and places I like to shop for the house. I have specific items I want to look at in some stores, and in others I just wander around in what some might call an “aimless” way. I don’t feel any pressure to leave a store before I’ve seen everything inside. If I stay in one store longer than I thought it’s ok, there isn’t anyone reminding me of kick-offs, tip-offs, or tee-offs that I have to get home to.

Saturday Afternoon: I’ve had a fruit and cheese plate for lunch and now I’m ready to organize! Back home with my packages, I attack the bedroom closet. This is my one chance to get at Andrew’s T-shirt collection. Now that we’ve been married for four years I can safely toss a few shirts that I’ve never seen him wear. I know not to touch anything with Headhunters or TTU on it, but the accumulated camp t-shirts and random restaurant T’s are starting to thin out. If I feel crazy I might even get rid of a hooddie. I fold everything neatly on shelves or in drawers. There is a small temptation to take a picture, just so I can remember this moment in two weeks when everything is out of place again, but I squelch it in favor of living in the now.

Saturday Evening: I stay at home. Tonight is about ice cream, ill fitting PJ’s, fluffy socks, and my hair in a very messy pony tail. I paint my toe nails, listen to Celine without any mocking, and watch another romantic comedy. I fall asleep in the middle of the bed with a Christian novel clutched in my hand.

Sunday Morning: Church is over and I’m starting to feel a bit restless. I might even turn ESPN on just to feel normal. I look at my perfectly clean house and wonder what isn’t right. I start to check the clock regularly and the novel in my hand begins to loose its appeal. When I hear the garage door open I jump to my feet and realize that I’m more excited now than I have been all weekend!

Shout-out to the Birthday Girl...

2009-03-05T07:17:00.003-06:00

It's Laura's birthday today. Dang, she looks good. Happy Birthday, buddy, I still like you pretty good.

Rule #30- Celebrate our Guy

2009-01-26T09:09:00.003-06:00

Happy Birthday Andrew!!
We love you Andrew and we're glad for the day to celebrate you being in our lives! Thanks for being an amazing father and husband!!

Rule #18: Beware of Dog

2008-12-18T17:11:00.002-06:00

As new parents, Andrew and I have seen our fair share of poo over the past eight weeks. We've cleaned it off carpet at 2:30 in the morning, off lampshades and photos of grandparents, and even off of a guest's sweater (followed by profuse apologies). So when we smell or hear Evie make a dirty diaper it really does not phase us anymore.

Maggie, on the other hand, still has the power to shock me. Earlier this week I was taking her to the groomer. I scheduled this appointment before Evie was born and before a 9:00 am outing with a baby and a dog sounded like a very bad idea. We were running pretty late and both Evie and Maggie were complaining about the trip. Maggie kept running to her crate, rather than get in the car, and Evie (who has no say in being in or out of the car) was crying. On top of that, it was pouring down rain. I finally got Maggie on her leash and took her out for a quick bathroom break before whisking her into the car.

I was very stressed about the rain and Evie crying, so I didn't notice at first that Maggie had moved from her usual spot in the front seat to the back. I did, however, begin to smell something that made me think I was driving past a clump of fresh manure. When the smell did not abate and Maggie would not move back to the front seat I began to get suspicious. Sure enough, there was a large pile of Maggie poo in my passenger seat. I pulled over, grabbed an empty Target bag, and knowingly littered for the first time in my life. Quite sure that I had removed every possible remain, Maggie returned to the front seat with a face that said, "If you'd only given me more time before we left the house this could have been avoided," Evie slept in the back seat thanks to a nursery rhyme CD, and we continued on.

At this point I was annoyed, but not so furious or put out that I wanted to do harm to Maggie or to myself. After all, I should have given her more time before we left. It wasn't until later that morning, inside Kohls, that I began to wonder why I was still smelling Maggie's poo. I went to grab a coupon from my purse and discovered Maggie had also left me a little present inside. That's right, I'd left my purse open in the floor of the passenger seat and it had not escaped her attention. Honestly, had I not just paid to have a stocking embroidered "Maggie" she might still be with the groomer.

When I told Andrew he said that Providence had interviened since I was planning to take his car that morning but changed my mind at the last minute.

Rule #304: Show Off the Kid

2008-12-07T13:28:00.004-06:00

Our little family...

2008-10-26T10:33:00.002-05:00

Evie Jane will be a week old tomorrow.

Welcome to the World!

2008-10-21T12:47:00.002-05:00

Evie Jane was born last night @ 8:40. She was 6 lbs 14 oz and 19 1/4 inches long. Mom and Baby (and Daddy, thanks for asking) are all doing well. Here's her internet debut.

Showtime!

2008-10-20T09:19:00.002-05:00

We're at the hospital...Laura's water broke this morning around 6:30. Evie should be making her first appearance sometime today.

Rule #12: Get In, Sit Down, Hold On!

2008-10-16T16:25:00.002-05:00

With my hatred of surprises and Laura's hatred of not being able to breathe, we have decided (along with our medical professional) that Evie Jane will be making her grand entrance into the world next Friday!!! Who knows, she might even make and earlier appearance, but as of right now, we are scheduled for labor and delivery next Friday morning.

Here's a 4-D picture from the ultrasound today.

Rule #99: Don't Count Your Chickens...

2008-10-14T10:30:00.003-05:00

Baby Watch 2008 Update:

Hurricane Evie has stalled out over the Gulf and has been downgraded to a tropical storm. Laura has been having the occasional contraction every couple of hours, but nothing to get excited about.

Laura is working at my school today and I hope she doesn't go into labor during one of her classes, although that would make for interesting afternoon announcements: "The soccer team plays today at 5:00 and Mr. Stacy, your wife's water just broke."

We are going with the spicy-food-wives'-tale for inducing labor. So far we've gone with chicken tortilla soup from McCallister's, Taco Bell (probably did more harm than good), Moe's (Welcome to Moe's!), and an Italian pizza from Luchessi's. If we lived in Brentwood we would be at Swanky's with the Lipscombs. I've googled "natural labor inducing methods" and some of the results are disturbing. Aaron, do you have any legitimate medical suggestions?

Next doctor's appointment is Thursday. Time to hurry up and wait. Stay tuned.

Baby Watch 2008

2008-10-11T08:34:00.006-05:00

The countdown has begun. Evie is technically full-term as of today.

We went to the doctor on Thursday. Laura is dilated 2 cm and is 50% effaced (which has something to do with her cervix, but I'll thank you to stop thinking about my wife's cervix--except you, Aaron, you're a doctor.) Our next scheduled doctor's appointment is next Thursday, but as we were leaving the doctor threw out this cryptic nugget: "If you make it that long." So that's encouraging.

Laura's dad says the baby will come in less than 48 hours. Yesterday Laura vacuumed the baseboards, washed and changed all bed linens, cleaned the bathrooms, went grocery shopping, and I stopped her before she started painting the bonus room. Her dad said that when she started in on clean-mode, to pack a bag because we're days away. I like his science.

I've dubbed this whole experience as Hurricane Evie. Why? Here is Laura's current "to-do" list:
1. House stocked with basic food supplies
2. Sheets on guest bed cleaned (this is checked off)
3. Bag packed for Maggie
4. Hospital bag ready, pillow and blanket in car
5. Guest bathroom cleaned (checked off)
6. All blinds and baseboards cleaned (I guess blinds are today)

So from that list I can't tell if we are evacuating the city or getting ready for a baby. Either way, stay tuned for 24-hour, up-to-date coverage.

Rule 311: Don’t Choose TV over Relationships (Chuck vs. Book Club)

2008-09-29T15:02:00.002-05:00

So, I have a gathering to attend tonight that will involve scintillating conversation and developing deeper relationships with some of my friends. Normally, I would be beyond excited about getting together with these ladies. But there is one thing that is stymieing my joy. Tonight is the premiere of Chuck, along with the airing of a new Heroes episode. So the universe (or NBC) is forcing me to choose between my girl pals and the invaluable entertainment of new episodes. I know what I should do, what I really want to do most, but that does not mean that I won’t be a little distracted at the get together. Most likely this will lead to the following conversation:

“So Laura, how was your week?”

“Well, not as bad as Claire Bennett’s. You?”

“Mine was good. Though I am a little stressed about work.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. But look on the bright side, at least you aren’t a highly intelligent, talented guy forced to work at BuyMore and face life threatening espionage on a weekly basis. Right?

Rule #163: Appreciate Autumn

2008-09-08T14:29:00.001-05:00

Here is a list of things that will make the Stacy’s and everyone else happy for the next three months:

1. The Food: Soups (back from summer banishment), Gingerbread, Candy Corn (you know you love the way the sugar makes your teeth hurt), all things apple, the stuffing part of a Thanksgiving feast, etc.

2. The Tube: Television is finally back with new episodes, which after last year’s lame half season of shows is even more exciting this year. Football is on almost every day, though for me that really just means I don’t have to spar with Andrew for computer time and I get more opportunities to curl up with a book.

3. The Weather: Those of us that live in the south have been listlessly moving through months of oppressive heat, sweat, and sun that threaten anyone’s appreciation of the outdoors. Now, as breezes pick up and the temperatures cool we can enjoy being outside once again (and I can quit cursing every time I walk out my front door).

4. The Scenery: Good thing we can be outside again because now we get the chance to enjoy some beautiful changes in the colors around us. Plus, we can feel and hear the crunch of leaves underfoot. There is something about that sound, combined with the more crisp, less humid air that makes me nostalgic and sentimental every year- I love it!

5. The Clothes: The truth is that I rock a turtleneck and jeans much better than a sundress and flip-flops, so fall is always welcome in my closet! But even if you don’t like the way a turtleneck makes you look, who can resist fleece pullovers and cords?

6. The Activities: It seems that summer has everyone going their separate ways, while fall brings us all back together with holidays, community festivals, and tailgate parties. There is a general anticipation of fellowship and entertainments that is missing the rest of the year.

So, here’s to you Fall!

Rule #82: Check your mirrors...

2008-09-03T13:33:00.002-05:00

Granted, Laura hasn't had a garage for about a year now, so she is a bit out of practice. Last week, she was heading over to some friend's house so I bid her goodbye and went upstairs to check e-mail.

All of a sudden, I hear (and feel) a terrible crashing noise in the garage below me. I run downstairs and it appears as though Laura thought her car should be a little narrower because she shaved off the passenger side-view mirror via the side of the garage. There it lay, the mirror, in pieces on the driveway.

Good thing she's been substituting at school. That's gonna cost us.

Love you, buddy.

Rule #243: Do it up in style...

2008-08-27T11:58:00.004-05:00

This Saturday marks the 3rd anniversary of my personal celebration of "Happiest Day of the Year." Happiest Day of the Year, you ask?

Yes. You see, this Saturday is the beginning of college football and I have dubbed it the happiest day of the year. For 6 long months we have done without football. And the wait is over.

What all goes into this day? Well, Laura lets me eat all the junkiest food I want all day. Brats, pizza, cheese dip, bagel bites, choice beverages, etc. I can't wait. Saturday morning we'll get up and go grocery shopping, come home, get everything ready, and then wait for kick off. This year should be especially happy because of my new HDTV.

I also sing a song that I made up which Laura loves. It's to the tune of the Christmas song "It's the most wonderful time of year". Here's a little sample:

It's the most wonderful time of the year!
They'll be touchdowns a-scoring
and gatorade pouring
and people will cheer!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's the hap-happiest season of all!
With cheerleaders yelling
and the crowds all a-swelling
La-la-la-la-la
It the most wonderful time of the year!

So if you're in the Memphis area (Ross) and want to celebrate this happiest of holidays. Let me know.

Rule 211: Know What a Bumpo Seat Is

2008-08-21T07:10:00.002-05:00

Andrew and I have been introduced to the vast world of baby products and accessories lately as we prepare for Evie Jane to arrive. I have to say that I thought I had a pretty good idea of what we needed when we started this whole process. It seemed like a crib, changing table, clothes, diapers, blankets, a stroller, and a few toys would be more than adequate. I was very, very wrong. As I sought recommendations from experienced friends, I learned that there are so many other things out there for babies- and all of them seem to be important. Now I find myself researching the best baby skin care products (I thought they already had soft skin- isn't that one of their claims to fame?) and the most useful sound machines (apparently babies need to hear the ocean or the sounds of a rain forest to find peace). I have even developed a very strong and unyielding opinion about the high chair/booster seat controversy. However, there are still a few things we haven't figured out:

1. What is a Bumpo seat? Does it conform to a bumpy part of the body or does it make a bumping motion? Does either really sound comfortable?
2. Why do car seats and strollers only fit infants for a few months before you have to buy bigger ones? Why haven't consumers demanded both products that you only have to buy once?
3. Why are all baby accessories made of some bright shade of plastic? Does a swing really need to be neon purple when the baby will be facing out of it and never see it anyway?

Hopefully we will resolves these questions soon. Until then you may find us walking down the isles of BabiesR'Us in an uncertain daze of consumer overload.

A Promise Made....

2008-08-11T18:57:00.011-05:00

I promised Justin that I would update this blog that my wife started back in October. Tonight, I make good on that promise. This is going to cover a lot, so this may take awhile.

October
Laura and I (along with her parents and their frequent flier miles and Marriott points) went to NYC to be a contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. Our time there was incredible. I didn't think I would be a fan of such a large city, but now I know why they make those I Heart NY t-shirts, because I do. We won $16,000 and as of Saturday, Laura now has her dining room table.

November

3 years of marriage, but now we're closer to 4 since we only update the blog once a year.

December

Happy Birthday, Jesus.

January
I turned 29. That's right. I'll be 30 years old in a few months.

February
Knocked my wife up.

March
Went to England.
...and won the Duke.

...and got promoted to English department chair at work.

Summer
Bought a new house.

Last Night
Along with my wife, my dog, Maggie, and Michael Phelps, went crazy as the 4x100 U.S. relay team served up a tall glass of shut-up juice to the French pansies.

You're welcome.

Welcome to the Blog!

2007-10-25T12:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I decided that Andrew and I needed our own blog. I thought I would start the process on my own. I didn't realize that it would require me to make so many major decisions. For starters I had to pick a name. Lots of pressure. It needed to be something cool so that you guys would be impressed, and it had to be free of chessiness so that Andrew would stay involved. So I came up with Red River Rules, and I'm already doubting it's validity. I got it from an idea Andrew had when we lived in Gallatin. We lived off of Red River Road and he wanted us to write a collection of short stories call The Red River Anthology. Great, right? I still think that should happen. I changed Anthology to Rules, trying to imply that the blog would trace the rules of our lives as we make them up. I even thought I would come up with linking post titles like "Rule 219: Never take in the neighbors cat." But now I realize that it sounds like Cider House Rules, a movie that has nothing to do with who we are (except for the well known fact that Andrew still has a crush on Charlieze Theron). but I'm ready to let the title thing go, I did my best and can't change it now. I moved on in the selection process came to the layout choices. Again, I panicked. It is really hard to pick out a layout that represents two people of opposite sexes. They were largerly too feminine or too masculine or too boring. At least I can change this part later! Despite the title and background we've finally got a blog to record our best and worst moments on. Rule 24: Keep the blog going, no matter what.